Your driving down your street on the way to somewhere important. You have gone down this road countless times before, you drive it without a second thought. You round the corner, happily singing along to some tunes, and then BAM- a road block, keeping you from your destination. We all experience that quick second of confusion and anger, even though it is something as silly as a roadblock, tacking on an extra minute to our travel time. "What is this? I didn't know about this! What is going on? I have to get there! What am I going to do?! Oh wait, I'll just take the next street over..."
Lately, I have been experiencing this "roadblock" with Jesus. I woke up a week ago with this absent feeling and all I could think was "UGGGGH. What is going on?" I had been doing so well on my walk with God since I had been back. But now God was silent, I wasn't feeling His presence, and I threw a pity party about it. I moped around in my heart because I wasn't experiencing what I wanted to. Sunday night, however, he laid a few surprising thoughts on my heart.
First of all, a trial is not a set back. When you aren't hearing what you want, or feeling what you want, that does not mean you are taking a step back or doing "bad" with God. All it is, is that He chooses to be quite for a minute. But the lies from the enemy can twist this "silence" into making us believe God doesn't want to talk to us. That is the furthest thing from the truth that could ever be.
Second, I had a choice. A year ago, it was my default to fall back on myself. I would forget my problem and pretend all is well, or I would forget God. Thats what I thought my options were. This time, my options were to ignore the problem, ignore God, or fight through it, and in the end see some growth. This was a chance to see how much I actually trusted Him. To see if I still believed His truth, even though I wasn't hearing it.
Trials are tough and certainly not any fun. We all have them, we don't have a choice with that. But we do have a choice about what to do with those trials. Trials is what builds us up, and persevering through them is what shapes us to be who we are. My challenge to myself is to embrace my trials, to learn from them, to grow in them.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3
Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Jehovah-Jireh
"So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth"
More Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz basically sums it up. Nothing you have done will ever stop grace from covering you. There is nothing we can do to escape it. All we can do is choose to accept it. Even when we turn away from grace, its still all over us, thanks to the cross. We listen to the lies that what we have done, the places we have been, the people we have hurt, the past choices we have made have disqualified us from the love of our Father. Jesus doesn't look at what we have done, He looks at who we are, who were created to be, His prized possession. He looks into the hearts of His children, not at our blemished pasts. We can tell ourselves how much we don't deserve it, which we don't, but that will never change the fact that it is offered to each and everyone of us at every moment of everyday. Thats what true love is, baby! If He forgives the mistakes of prostitutes (Luke 7:36-50), sorcerers (Acts 8:9-13), and a Jew persecutor (Acts 22:2-10), then He will surely forgive mine and your as well :)
PRAISE to Jesus that my church will be funding me by paying for my staffing fees for the 6 months living in Kona!!! This is a ginormous blessing! All funds that come in from here on out will go towards my 3 month outreach. Thank you for all your support, prayers, and words of encouragement. Everything prayer you say, every dollar you donate is going towards the building of the Kingdom :)
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth"
More Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz basically sums it up. Nothing you have done will ever stop grace from covering you. There is nothing we can do to escape it. All we can do is choose to accept it. Even when we turn away from grace, its still all over us, thanks to the cross. We listen to the lies that what we have done, the places we have been, the people we have hurt, the past choices we have made have disqualified us from the love of our Father. Jesus doesn't look at what we have done, He looks at who we are, who were created to be, His prized possession. He looks into the hearts of His children, not at our blemished pasts. We can tell ourselves how much we don't deserve it, which we don't, but that will never change the fact that it is offered to each and everyone of us at every moment of everyday. Thats what true love is, baby! If He forgives the mistakes of prostitutes (Luke 7:36-50), sorcerers (Acts 8:9-13), and a Jew persecutor (Acts 22:2-10), then He will surely forgive mine and your as well :)
PRAISE to Jesus that my church will be funding me by paying for my staffing fees for the 6 months living in Kona!!! This is a ginormous blessing! All funds that come in from here on out will go towards my 3 month outreach. Thank you for all your support, prayers, and words of encouragement. Everything prayer you say, every dollar you donate is going towards the building of the Kingdom :)
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Be Still
A friend gave me a verse to read the other day. One that I have read a hundred times, but this time, it was different.
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10.
In the past, when I have read this verse, my thoughts never ventured further than a nice sentiment about God. I never actually took this verse for its meaning. In actuality, this verse consists of 2 commands, commands that I have yet to follow through with.
The first, BE STILL. Absolutely still. I must stop what I am doing. I must put down what I am holding. I must stop moving. I must be still before the Lord. I must give Him my attention. He is my creator, and He deserves more than me trying to multitask Him into my day, which I am more than guilty of.
The second, KNOW. We are called to just know that He is God. To be still and know. Thats it. I make it so much more complicated in my head. But the truth is so simple. We are command to sit and rest in the knowledge that GOD JUST IS.
Not going to lie, it can be really hard to do. To sit still and think about God and nothing else is like asking a 4 year old to sit out of recess. I am alway itching to do something, and there is a busy world around me full of things to do. It doesn't help either that my mind wanders down a new path every 10 seconds. I will start by thinking about God and within a minute I am planning my outfit for a bachelorette party that is still a month away. Taking this verse for the literal meaning is a HUGE lesson in discipline. I am disciplining my mind to focus on something that I will never understand, to put aside the tasks that "need" to be done, to stop thinking about myself for 20 minutes and think about something greater. It's tough, but SO good for my soul. Spending solid time with nothing to distract is an excellent time of growth, because nothing is drowning out His presence, His emotions, His voice, His love.
Support raising- I have gotten my support letters out and have already had a couple responses, yay! Thank you again who have all been supporting me and my decision to go back to YWAM through prayer and financial support. It makes a greater impact than you will ever know.
Prayer- Finances, that I use my time wisely while I am at home, for my fellow staffers as we all get ready to head back in the next couple months, and for the future of our school as we all get ready to be rocked by the Sprit :)
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10.
In the past, when I have read this verse, my thoughts never ventured further than a nice sentiment about God. I never actually took this verse for its meaning. In actuality, this verse consists of 2 commands, commands that I have yet to follow through with.
The first, BE STILL. Absolutely still. I must stop what I am doing. I must put down what I am holding. I must stop moving. I must be still before the Lord. I must give Him my attention. He is my creator, and He deserves more than me trying to multitask Him into my day, which I am more than guilty of.
The second, KNOW. We are called to just know that He is God. To be still and know. Thats it. I make it so much more complicated in my head. But the truth is so simple. We are command to sit and rest in the knowledge that GOD JUST IS.
Not going to lie, it can be really hard to do. To sit still and think about God and nothing else is like asking a 4 year old to sit out of recess. I am alway itching to do something, and there is a busy world around me full of things to do. It doesn't help either that my mind wanders down a new path every 10 seconds. I will start by thinking about God and within a minute I am planning my outfit for a bachelorette party that is still a month away. Taking this verse for the literal meaning is a HUGE lesson in discipline. I am disciplining my mind to focus on something that I will never understand, to put aside the tasks that "need" to be done, to stop thinking about myself for 20 minutes and think about something greater. It's tough, but SO good for my soul. Spending solid time with nothing to distract is an excellent time of growth, because nothing is drowning out His presence, His emotions, His voice, His love.
Support raising- I have gotten my support letters out and have already had a couple responses, yay! Thank you again who have all been supporting me and my decision to go back to YWAM through prayer and financial support. It makes a greater impact than you will ever know.
Prayer- Finances, that I use my time wisely while I am at home, for my fellow staffers as we all get ready to head back in the next couple months, and for the future of our school as we all get ready to be rocked by the Sprit :)
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Who Defines Me
My blog title is a work in progress in my own life. I am working on what my own definition of beauty is. For too long I have let this world tell me what beautiful is, and that I don't fit into that description, and I never will. I have beat myself up time and time again for not being thin enough, being too tall, having the wrong kind of hair, not having a perfect nose. You name it, I hated it. I would tear everything apart from my head to my feet, from the number of freckles on my face to the spacing of my toes. Everything of my anatomy has been studied, ridiculed, and declared "not good enough" by my own mind.
Not only would I judge my outward appearance, but my personality as well. Never funny, clever, witty, or smart enough. Always said the wrong thing. I ripped apart everything about myself, in and out, thinking that God somehow made a mistake 21 years ago when He created me to be how I am today. That nobody could possibly love me (besides my family, and that is only because they had to). I was just too awkward, weird, and ugly. The worst lie of all that I heard -I was the only one that had these thoughts. "when he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies" (John 8:44). Satan whispers lies to us from the day we were born, and we so easily accept them.
I am DONE listening to the lies that had once run my life. I want to start living my life as the person that I was created to be, not the person that tries to fits into the status quo of this modern world. I want my definition of beauty to be completely pulverized and rebuilt by the One who invented beauty. I will no longer let magazines, television, movies, and other products of our culture define who I am or who I should be. I am much more than a physical body, as are you.
We are BEAUTIFUL. Jesus, the most perfect, unblemished, beautiful thing ever lives within us. We were fearfully and wonderfully made. We are the most perfect thing He has ever created. He didn't put us higher than angels as a fluke, it is because we are his favorites! It makes me so giddy! So lets start living by how the One who lives in us views us. We are nothing with out Him, but with Him we are perfect, whole, wonderful, beautiful.
"For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory" Colossians 3:3-4
Not only would I judge my outward appearance, but my personality as well. Never funny, clever, witty, or smart enough. Always said the wrong thing. I ripped apart everything about myself, in and out, thinking that God somehow made a mistake 21 years ago when He created me to be how I am today. That nobody could possibly love me (besides my family, and that is only because they had to). I was just too awkward, weird, and ugly. The worst lie of all that I heard -I was the only one that had these thoughts. "when he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies" (John 8:44). Satan whispers lies to us from the day we were born, and we so easily accept them.
I am DONE listening to the lies that had once run my life. I want to start living my life as the person that I was created to be, not the person that tries to fits into the status quo of this modern world. I want my definition of beauty to be completely pulverized and rebuilt by the One who invented beauty. I will no longer let magazines, television, movies, and other products of our culture define who I am or who I should be. I am much more than a physical body, as are you.
We are BEAUTIFUL. Jesus, the most perfect, unblemished, beautiful thing ever lives within us. We were fearfully and wonderfully made. We are the most perfect thing He has ever created. He didn't put us higher than angels as a fluke, it is because we are his favorites! It makes me so giddy! So lets start living by how the One who lives in us views us. We are nothing with out Him, but with Him we are perfect, whole, wonderful, beautiful.
"For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory" Colossians 3:3-4
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