Media Fast

I have been feeling distant from God. And it sucks. It really sucks especially since I am surrounded by people who have a heart for Jesus and are totally consumed by His love.I feel like He is revealing His love to everyone but me. I am just going through a dry spell. In reality though, I asked for it. I asked that God would take my focus off of whatever was distracting me from fully seeking Him. I think He is testing me to see if I truly do trust in Him. Let me explain a little bit more.

So on Monday nights, our school teams up with another school for ministry/worship night. For the first half of worship last night, I could feel God's presence. I felt warm and tingly and all I could think about was God. I didn't feel close to Him, but He was definitely in the room. Now would be a good time to tell you that I have felt distant from God for a while, so I was excited to feel His presence. The whole time I was feeling God I was praying "Jesus, become more real to me. I want you to be all that I need. I want to experience what all these people are feeling." And then it was like a total 180. I completely shut off. I didn't feel God anymore. I could not focus. I felt numb, no emotion. I didn't understand. Why was God pulling away from me, especially since I had just started to feel Him? Then I was angry. I was angry becuse God was still showing Himself to everyone but me... or so I thought. Turns out a lot of other girls felt that way here. Faith is not a feeling, but a knowledge, which is really hard for me to wrap my head around. I want a feeling. I want it as proof that God loves me. But it is not up to me when God decides to show Himself, and I am slowly learning what this truly means.

I feel myself pulling away from God and I don't feel Him coming after me. But today, our speaker said that when something like this happens there are 3 things we need to do. Pray, fast, and read the Word. So that is what I am going to do.

Fasting comes in many forms, not just food. For me, I have decided to do an internet fast.p. If I gave up food, I would just be super crabby and no one would want to be my friend anymore and I would focus more on my stomach than on God. But giving up the internet is going to be something just as hard as giving up food. We don't realize how much of our time is spent on it until it is gone. Whenever I have a "craving" to go on the internet, I am going to whip out my Bible and start reading the first thing I open to. I know these next 5 days are going to be tough for me, but I am confident that God will reveal Himself to me in a whole new way. I have never done any sort of fast, so we'll see how this goes. I'll write again on Monday to share what God has done in my heart :)