Oh, hello 2011. What do you have in store for me this year?

20 days ago, I was hopping on a plane, leaving a beautiful sunny island and heading towards a wintry tundra, a.k.a Wheaton. I think my body went into shock the moment I stepped out of the airport. It has been so good seeing family and friends these last couple of weeks, catching up with them and seeing what is new in their lives.

As I was unpacking last night (yes, it has been 3 weeks and I have just now gotten around to unpacking), I came across my very first journal which started a year ago. I read some of the first entries...oh, how I have changed in the last year! It was like reading the thoughts of a completely different person. Someone who was lost, confused, angry, filled with self hatred, but was longing for something far greater. She didn't know how to achieve it. She knew she wanted to know God, to be loved by Him, to know Him, but she had no idea how to get there. She was out of faith, and running low on hope. The Lord heard her cry, and sent her packing to Kona, Hawaii. For 6 months, He had her to just Himself, with no distractions from back home. He showed her love in ways she didn't know possible. Gold dust, witnessing miracles, life-long/soul-deep friendships. He broke her wrong views of Him. He was not a little god, confined by time and emotions somewhere out in the universe. He was alive, He cared, He loved, He dances over her. He was not disappointed, He did not make a mistake, and He has a HUGE plan for her, even in the moments when she can't see it.

One of my big break through moments with Jesus was my last week in Haiti. I was having a bummer day so I was sitting outside looking at the dark sky spotted with stars, listening to "Do you know the way you move me" By Cory Asbury. As I was listening to it, something clicked in my brain. It seemed like the music stopped, Cory slowed, and he was speaking, not singing. "God is saying, do you know the way you move him? YOU. Not just human kind, but YOU. YOU, KRISTI, HIS BELOVED" And then the tears started. Then God showed me a picture of myself sitting at a table with a hundred M&M's (my best friend in Haiti). One of the M&M's fell of the table, but I didn't care because I still had 99. Then it switched to Jesus sitting at the table and a hundred people on it. One of the people walked off the edge, but Jesus flipped out and did everything he could to catch them, clean them up, and put them back on the table. He showed me through this that He loves us ALL the same amount, but shows us in different ways. That EACH AND EVERY ONE of us are dear and near to His heart. He uses the poor, the murderers, the sorcerers, the prostitutes, and the tax collectors in the Bible to demonstrate love, so I am no exception. This is the Jesus that I am in love with. The one who catches me when I fall, who brushes the dirt of my knees when I trip, and walks with me the rest of the journey to pick me up when I stumble (which will be a lot).

For the next few months, I will be nannying and doing various ministries. In April, I will once again be living on a big island in the middle of the ocean :) I am getting so excited for staffing. I already love these students, which sounds creepy but I have been praying tons for them, and the Father has given me His heart for them. I am excited to see them transform, just like I did. I am excited to be challenged and see how I myself will change.

Thank you for your love, prayers, and support. They mean more to me than you know :)

"But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy." Titus 3:4

Graduation

Well, tonight was the night. Our last time together as a family. We gathered, we ate, we graduated. We laughed, we loved, we hugged, we cried. I can not believe that I have only known these people for less than 6 months. It seems like a lifetime. They know me more than I know myself, it seems. They have seen me in the best of times, they have seen me in my worst. They watched me struggle, they prayed for me, they watched me fall in love with Jesus. They blessed me, loved on me, encouraged me. They love me and I love them. We are a family, that is what we do. Seeing everybody graduate tonight was amazing and beautiful. We came to Kona as strangers, and are leaving as a family. I have brothers and sisters all over the world, who I can call on at anytime. Doing a DTS here in Kona was the best decision of my life.

As I go home, I know things are different. I know that I had a heart change in the last 6 months. Jesus is not a stranger to me. He is not some random guy in the sky, ignoring me. He is my friend, my father, my brother, my husband, my everything. When I heard people describe him like that 6 months ago, I never thought I could have it. But I WANTED it. I was DESPERATE for it. I NEEDED it. He seemed so distant, but the desire for him was more than anything I had ever had. That is how I know he is there, by this supernatural desire to just KNOW him. I questioned at times why I couldn't feel him. Why I couldn't see him. Why I couldn't hear him. And in these last 3 weeks, it all clicked. As long as I had this desire for him, I was never going to give up. This is a desire that needs to be fulfilled and can not be pushed aside. As long as it was there, I was going to keep searching. If I never got a feeling, I was going to search. If I never heard his voice, I was going to search. As soon as that clicked, it all happened. I fell in love. I am in love with a beautiful man named Jesus. I giggle when I think about him and his abundant love and grace, how I don't deserve but he gives it away anyways. I barely know Him, but I love him. Never letting him go. I have the rest of my life to keep falling in love, and I am pumped for it.

The next year of my life is going to be a trip. I am going home to nanny for a few months, but am returning in April to the Kona base. I will be staffing on base for 2 months, and then I will be on staff as a leader in the Awaken DTS summer 2011. I already love these kids, because I already feel the love that Jesus has for them. I am already excited to see the changes that are going to happen in their lives. I am excited to see how God is going to move in the world using these students. I am committed to them 100 percent. I am so excited that the Lord chose to use me to work in these students' lives, to be apart of their heart change, to help them through struggles, to see them fall in love.

I know I have said it before, but I will say it again. THANK YOU TO ALL WHO PRAYED AND SUPPORTED ME IN YOUR OWN WAYS! I will never be able to express the amount of gratitude I have for all of you. Those who I know and those who I don't. YOU made a difference. Every prayer said for our team made a difference. Every tiny encouragement made a difference. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you all. Thank you for being apart of my journey.

From Haiti to home, the adventure doesn't stop

It is hard to believe that just 5 mornings ago, I was in a tent city. 4 mornings ago I was boarding a plane. And this morning, I woke up in a bed in a beautiful home in Orange County, California. Our whole team has been blessed a hundred times over by my leader's family. They graciously took us all into their home and have been treating us as if we were their own children. My leader's mom was even kind enough to drive me and my team mate, Emery, an hour away so we could see our siblings that go to Biola. It was great to get to see my brother a few weeks early :)

One thing that God has shown me since being back form Haiti is this: it doesn't ever end. Outreach never ends, it is just in a different place. Relationship and growth with God never ends. Hardships do not end, but neither do the blessings. Now that I am back in my home country, I need to learn to find balance. Balance between God and life and making sure that God is still the center of everything, especially with all that there is to distract us in the western world.

2 days before we left Haiti, our team went to a tent city that was right across the street from the Palace. We were doing tent delivery and set up. It was by far one of the craziest, hectic experiences while there. When people saw that we had tents, we were immediately mobbed and followed everywhere we went in the city. Although we were never in immediate danger, the Haitian police were called to create some sort of order in the middle of the chaos. I have never seen desperation like that. Ever. People were grabbing us and pulling us, punching each other, screaming and fighting to get to the front of the line, just to receive a 4 man tent, that would hopefully house their whole family and their few belongings. It was experiences like this that made me realize how truly lucky I have it. They can not leave. They have no other option but to live in a tent, that they can not even stand upright in. I was able to leave. I was not born a Haitian, but as an American with a house and family. It is not wrong to be this way, but I will never stop being thankful for it.

Coming to YWAM, doing a DTS, and living in Haiti for 2 and a half months was one of the best decisions of my life. Even though this chapter of my life is almost over, it does not mean that the adventure stops. It does not mean that God is not going to stop working in my heart. It does not mean that I have hit the highlight of my life, and the rest is just a smooth path. My adventure is just starting. Where ever God takes me, it is going to be with purpose. And I cannot wait to see where it goes next.

Thank you so much, to all who have supported me. Thank you for reading my blog and being on this journey with me. I could not have made it through with out all the prayer. As of right now, I have a few options of what to do with my life when I get home. I am going to be praying for clarity in the next few months of what to do next.I am going to be keeping my blog up and running as I go home, so feel free to check in once and a while :)

Love, Kristi

It was nice to meet you, Haiti

TOnight is our last night in Haiti. Surprised? Yeah, so were we. We found out today that our Awaken team will be leaving tomorrow morning and staying in LA for a week before heading back to Kona to debrief as a school. The elections that were held last week were rigged so they will be reheld just a day or so before our original flight was supposed to leave. However, from the election last week, most flights were cancelled for election day and the days that followed. Also, the US embassay called and advise us to leave just to be on the safe side. So, we are peacing out of Haiti a week early and staying in LA for a week with our leader's family.

I love Haiti and my time spent here. I have made friends in tent cities that will always hold a place in my heart. I have held babies that I will never forget. I have seen sights that will be forever branded on my soul. It was tough walking into the local tent city today, knowing that it will be the last time that I ever see these people here on earth. I love them as if they were my friends at home, but I know that I will see them again someday, when we are kicking it up in Heaven.

God has had His hand on us our entire trip. We were protected form disease, rioting, and fire, and I am sure much more that we will never know about. I am thankful for my time here. I am thankful for the peopel I have met. I am thankful for the work that was done on my heart. I am thankful that I have a real house and a real family to go home to. I hope and pray that someday my friends here will also have a family and a home to go to.