God isn't just creepy, he is CRAZY

Hey folks, remember a few blogs ago when I said GOd was creepy in a good way? Well he is also crazy in a good way. Lets rewind a little to the beginning of the week...

Ok so Monday was the first day of classes here on campus for my DTS. Our school's leader's (Andrew York) brother, Philip York, was our first speaker and the topic was learning to hear God's voice. It was a VERY good lesson to learn. I learned things about myself and my own faith that I didn't know before. I learned how to hear God's voice and what to do with it. It is so crazy that if our heart and mind are in the right place our Heavenly Father will speak straight to us! On Monday we are going to find out our outreach places and apply what we learned. I know that I am easily influenced by the people around me so I hope that you all respect my decision to not tell anyone what the choices are until I figure out where I am supposed to go. I want this decision to be straight from God and not from the people around me. You are all wise and wonderful and I can't wait to tell you where I am going!!

So now we get down to the crazy part about God. This is probably going to be a long blog and going into deep stuff so now is your chance to stop reading if you want to. Ok, lets continue! Monday night worship. Boy oh boy. That night was not a whole campus worship, just our school and another school (Fire and Fragrance, Phase 2). Before I get into it, you need to know the things that I struggle with the most. The first thing is beauty, inside and out. I find it extremely hard to find my self beautiful and I am constantly putting myself down and comparing myself to others. The other thing is doubt. Every time I start to feel God, there is a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that it isn't real. Now I know that is a lie from Satan. He knows doubt is an area of weakness for me and he feeds off of it. OK, back to worship time. So there I am, standing up but I am not really feeling it. The leaders are walking around and praying over the students and one woman, Chantal, comes up to me and starts to pray for me. She prayed that I would know that God loves me and He finds me beautiful and that he made no mistake when he made me the way he did. Of course by this time I was crying like a baby. When she was done praying with me, another leader, Sarah Jo, comes up to me and also starts to pray. She prayed that I would now that God thinks I am precious and that he WANTS me to keep asking those hard questions because he is going to answer me and by asking those hard questions, it brings up closer together. (Creepy because with the doubt I have I am CONSTANTLY asking God hard questions and i never feel like i am getting an answer). Basically, God showed up when I least expected it. It was feeling hurt and confused and angry and He totally used other people to show his love to me.

Ready for another crazy story? OK, so today is friday and it was our last lecture with Phil. But before phil spoke, we have a guest speaker for just like 15 minutes. His name is Bob Hartley and he is a prophet, which I had no idea are still around today. after he talked fora few minutes, he started to pro! and it was nuts! He started calling out people and telling them very specific things that they were going to do or something about them. And there is no way he could be faking this. One girl got here really late, like yesterday and she just decided to come this week so her name isn't anywhere here. And he just said "Rachel from North Carolina!" and then started speaking to her! he did this like 10 times! I had ever seen anything like it before.

I also had an amazing prayer time today with 2 leaders, Kat ad Haley, and my roommate Gaby. It was just really cool to coem together and pray for like an hour. Then I had my 1 on 1 (like a mentor session) with Erica, one of the leaders and that was good as well! Tomorrow I start my work duty. Its a long day (8 hours) of kitchen duty but it is only every other weekend so its really nice. Hopefully we will still get some beach time in :) That is all for now! Thanks again to all of you who have been praying for me and my school!

"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ" Phillippians 3:8

sea turtles, waves, and cocoa buns

First off, i just need to tell you all that I am only writing this blog because Miles Bocianski told me to, and no other reason. Just kidding. I just got off my first Skype session with my bro, dad, Miles, and Courtney. I miss them all and others so much :) But my time here has been so amazing so far. I can not believe how much God has provided and how he is already showing himself to me.

My DTS has been renamed to Awaken. The leaders felt that this DTS is going to be a part of our lives when the Holy Spirit is Awakened in us and that He has so much in mind for us. And I can already feel it. Not gonna lie, I have been feeling very distant from God lately. Even though I am here, I still worry and doubt which is just stupid but I can't help it. But last night I finally felt the Spirit starting to wake in me. He's not up and running yet, but He got a little nudge. Someone asked me yesterday what I wanted to do with my life and I said just get married and have kids but I really do like working with youth, especially middle school/high school girls, so maybe something with youth groups. Then at Worship time, someone who I met only once came over and said they wanted to pray for me. And as they were praying she started to pray for the teenagers that I would one day work with and thank you for my heart for them. She had NO idea that that is what I wanted to do with my life someday. Crazy? I think so.

Lets talk about worship for a second. I grew up Lutheran. Now, we all know that at a Lutheran church during worship, there are a few hand raisers but that is the extent of physically letting go and worshiping. That isn't the case here at YWAM. Last night, at campus wide worship, i witnessed some very expressive forms of worship, all very cool to see. My favorite was dancing. To be honest, I thought it was kinda weird that dance was used as a form of worship here-like people were just showing off that they are good dancers or something. But when I saw it for the first time last night, i could not have been proven more wrong. It was one of the most sincere and beautiful acts of worship that I have every seen. The Holy Spirit was shining through and the movement was so smooth and joyous that it could not have come from anything except the Lord.

Today was a big day, for many reasons. It was the first time I swam in the Pacific ocean wooo hooo! It was gorgeous and so much fun. And the best part was, we saw sea turtles!!!! They were Huge, like 3 feet. I have never seen any except in zoos. It was amazing. And another reason today was such a big day was because....drum roll.....my sister got engaged!!!! wooo hooo!!! Congrats to them :)( and to me since I am the maid of honor-holla!)

Prayer time! Here is what you folks can be praying for
-That I totally let go of everything and Trust God
-That my DTS people all get along-so far so good!

Thank you so much to you all! I miss you and love and can't wait to see you all again some day!

I'M HERE!!!!

Oh my osh kosh b'gosh, I cannot beleive that I am finally here!!! Travel went well yesterday, no snafoos at all. It was hard saying goodbye to everyone but once I was through security I was totally fine and could not wait to get htere. After 11 hours of flying time, we all safetly arrived at the Kona airport. When we all got off the plane, I realized that there were about 15 other YWAMers there and we immediatley started to connect to each other. Once we got to the base, we registered and got setteled in to our dorms. I have 4 roommates, 2 from South Korea and 2 from California. They are all super sweet girls :) After we all met we went to dinner. We eat outside here and the weather was wonderful. After dinner, a group of about 10 of us walked down to the beach-about a 10 minutes walk. We stayed until sunset and it was gorgeous. It was awesome getting to meet people from all over the world. THere are students from 35 countires on campus right now. THis morning, after breafast, we had a welcoming ceremony/orientaion. THe people of the Island welcomed us and we gave them gifts to say thank you for hosting us while we are here. This was followed by an amazing first worship. You could totally feel the presnce of God around you. My dorm is right across form the 24/7 prayer room, so we can hear people singing on and off through out the day. I am so excited for the real journey to start on Monday, when classes begin. Thank you to all who have been praying for me. They are totally working :) I miss you all so much yet I am excited to see what God is going to do with all your support. Aloha!

God is creepy

Ok, so let me explain the "God is Creepy." I mean this in a good way. I first heard it from my dear friend Emily, and it just stuck. God can be pretty creepy-like when he shows up in your life when you least expect it. Or you randomly come across a Bible verse that you have never seen before and yet totally fits what is going on in your life. Or you are having a conversation with someone about your fears and then the next day you read an awesome quote from a christian author that is basically about your fears. Here is my example for why God was creepy in my life today. Emily gave me the daily devo book "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young and, just for kicks and giggles, I flipped to July 8th (the day I leave for YWAM) to see what it says---and it was creepy. "When you seek my face, put aside thoughts of everything else. I am above all, as well as in all...open wide your heart and ming to receive more and more of me. When your joy in me meets my joy in you, there are fireworks of heavenly ecstasy." Basically, for the last 3 months, I have been praying that God opens my heart to what He has to teach me at YWAM, and that I not fear the changes He has for me. And then I read that it is just creepy. Gotta love it.

So basically, these last few days I have been a big ball of emotions. Although I haven't cried yet, I am sure I will be a weepy mess for the next few days. I can't even think about saying goodbye to my family without having a mini panic attack. One thing that keeps me going is prayer. The praying that I do and the praying that I know people are doing on my behalf. It is so encouraging knowing that I have a whole slew of people praying for me and my fellow YWAMers while I am preparing and when I go. It seriously calms my heart. I could not have asked for more supportive friends and family members, and I am so thankful for them.

God has once again been crazy by providing almost all the money that I need. I received a very large check this week from a good friend (you know who you are-and you are awesome!!!) and it has helped a TON. I can not express the gratitude that I have for all of you who have supported me. You are all flipping awesome and you are totally helping others hear about the Lord! I only need roughly 1,000 more in the long run. I will know for sure how much when I find out where my outreach will be. Thank you all again so much for being apart of my life and for supporting me and my endeavor! The next time you hear from me, I will be reporting from Hawaii :)

Please pray for
-an open heart
-safe travel
-no fear

"For I am convinced that neither death not life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any power, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:8-9