Getting Closer...

For those who have heard from my family/friends yesterday, I am totally fine. I was in the hospital for what they thought was gallbladder or appendix problems but it ended up being some girl stuff which I will spare you all from hearing, but I will be fine and it is nothing to worry about. Praise God this didn't happen 2 weeks form now or it would have made a very interesting start to YWAM! Thanks for all the prayers!

Now, moving on to more fun stuff. 13 days is what I have left here in Illinois. One minute I am having a panic attack about it and the next I feel like I am going to burst if I don't get there any sooner. It really hit me that I am going to be gone for half a year when my good friend Paul Boyer left to do his YWAM 2 weeks ago. The night he left, I was with his girlfriend (my best friend, Hannah, who I will miss dearly) and I was like "dang. 6 moths is a long time." Its not like in a few weeks we will see him again. We will still be months away. And it kinda freaked me out. But then I started to think a lot more about time and how 6 months really isn't that long it you look at it from a different view. Lets say that the average person lives 80 years (God willing). That means this trip is only going to take up 1/160th of my life, which is so not that long. So it freaks me out less if I think of it that way. And I know that this 1/160th portion of my life is going to change me forever and I am getting so pumped just thinking about it!

One thing that I have been dealing with while preparing for this trip is what God is going to ask me to give up or do. Which is totally dumb because I know that whatever he has in mind for me is 10874635487 times better than what I could ever plan. But here is another crazy story about God. So, I was talking to my dear friend Hope about this and then the next night I read THIS in Forgotten God by Francis Chan. "the flip side of fearing that God won't show up is fearing that he will. What if God shows up but then asks you to go somewhere or do something that is uncomfortable?"So that pretty much sums it up for this fear. God is always listening, even when we don't feel like He is, and in the smallest of ways( like in a book), He comforts us. I just love that.

A little side note on support...God is freaking COOL. I am so serious. One night I was totally doubting it, that he would provide (again, I know I am stupid). The next day, I got a check in the mail from someone who knew I was doing the trip, but I never even sent them a letter! I LOOOOVE that God is showing me that He is taking care of me, even when I am a fool and doubt it. I am definitely learning what trust really is during this time of my life. As of now, I still need roughly 2-3 thousand more. Thanks again to all who have supported me both in finances and prayer!

A few things to be praying about in these last 2 weeks...
-No more health snafoos for me or anyone else
-Support still comes in
-That I (and my team) will not fear what God has in store for us
-For the school leaders as the prepare for us to arrive
-For my friends who have already started their YWAM and those who are going to start when I do, and those who start after after me!

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" Zephaniah 3:17

Pushing my limits

This week, God is showing me how comfortable my life is. Right now, I barely have anything to worry about. I have a good life. I have kick-butt parents. I love my siblings. I have awesome friends. I have a relatively cush job. I live in a nice home, I have a nice car, I have people who care about me and love me. Overall, I am pretty darn blessed. Besides my brief stint away at college, I have been pretty comfortable. That isn't going to last long.

I have come to realize that I like my life here in Wheaton. I like my job, I like babysitting, I like hanging out with my family, I like seeing my friends whenever I want to, I like to shop, and I like Caribou. Soon, I will not be able to do these things. And even though it is lame, it is starting to freak me out. In less than 5 short weeks, I can no long see my family everyday, hang out with my friends, go out to eat at my favorite places, or drive my pretty red jeep. True, I'll be living in Hawaii, but I have become so used to my life here in good old Wheaton, that I am surprisingly finding it hard to let go (I never in my life thought that I would be sad to leave Wheaton for Hawaii).

This is going to be the first time in my life where I am completely on my own. Yes, I went away to college but I had freaking awesome roommates and I could come home whenever I wanted to. That won't be an option at YWAM. I am going to have to throw myself out there into a group of people all over the world (not quite the same as college). That is where God is already showing me that I am going to be thrown out of my little comfort circle. I am pretty easy going, but I generally do not put myself out there. I am still totally pumped for YWAM because I know that this is EXACTLY where God wants me right now, but to be honest, I am still a little freaked about leaving my comfort circle. I will totally have to depend on God. I have before but I also had my family and friends right there with me, but not this time. I have found that I am already growing closer to God just by talking about my fears and I CAN NOT WAIT to find out what else He has in store for me :)

There are a few things that you can be praying for, if you wish.

1-That I not let fear consume me but that I put my self out there to make the most of my YWAM experience.
2-That I am completely open my heart to what God has to show me and that I am not afraid to do what He asks of me
3- That support keeps coming in for me and my fellow YWAMers

SUPPORT NEWS: I now have over 6,000 of the 10,000 dollars that I need, PTL! Over 2,000 of it has come from support letters that I have sent out which is more than I ever hoped for. Thank you to all who have supported me financially and prayers!

Psalms 23:4 "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for you are with me"
Isaiah 41:13 "For I am the LORD your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear, for I will help you'"
Deuteronomy 31:8 "It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed"

Provision

As July 8th comes closer and closer, I am blown away by how God is blessing me already. When I sent letters to my family and friends, I was not expecting a whole lot-just some of them to respond and that i would not receive a whole lot of support. Boy, has God proved me wrong. He has laid it on so many hearts to give towards my trip to YWAM- I am completely blown away. So here is a shout out to all who have given financially and prayerfully! Holla! Not only is God providing through family and friends, but through churches also. From the support that I have received from family, friends, and churches is over 5,000 dollars!!! Only about 4,000 to go. PTL! Only 41 days left. I can't believe it. I am so excited. Some moments I am utterly terrified about leaving my family and friends to do something that is completely different than what I am used to. This is the furthest out of my comfort zone that I have ever been. I need that though. Everyone needs to be pushed once in a while, and now is my time. I am ready for it. Yes, I will miss my family and friends but I am raedy to see what God has in store for me :) I am ready to learn more about Him, I am ready to meet new people and make new friends, I am ready to help others who need help. I am excited and ready to go :)

Fearless

Today in church, a woman shared a story about her friend. Her friend was a nurse and a few years ago went to Nigeria with YWAM. While there, she was killed when her van rolled. This hit home since I have many similarities with her. I wanted to be a nurse for a long time. I feel Africa is my calling. I am doing YWAM. Even though this hit a spot on my heart, I had this overwhelming feeling of peace while I listened. The woman who told the story said that her friend lived without fear. She loved what she was doing and was on Fire for it. When she died, her family continued that fire. I want to be like that. I want to live fearlessly and go whole-hearted on this trip. I want to be so on Fire for God and what I am doing that even if I die, people will still know it. I want to live without fear. That is my goal for this trip. Yes there is a chance that I could die, but isn't there that chance everyday? I know that whatever happens on this trip will be used for good. God promises us that much. Romans 8:28 "For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called to His purpose." I am ready for this. I know that this is what I am meant to do at this point in my life. Jumping subjects, I have mailed all my letters ooo OOO! My kick-butt grandparents have started me off and I am very glad for them and their donation. Again, if you would like a letter from me, just ask ;-) I leave for YWAM in less than 7 weeks. 52 days to be exact. In the mean time, prayer is always welcome :) If you are not sure what to pray for, here are a few things...
1. That I am my team can open our hearts for what God has to each us
2. That the people we reach out to will have a willing heart and want to listen
3. That we all stay safe through out the whole trip
4. And finally, that we all stay FEARLESS