"where you cease, I will begin"

What once began as a simple pluck on my heart strings to grow near Him, has turned into a pull. That pull has drawn me in deep. Deep into Him, deep into intimacy, deep into His presence.

The simple concepts that He wants to show me end up being the very things I complicate the most. Being a daughter to the Father turned into a place of striving and fear of disappointing. It became something organized, my own agenda. Instead of being led by His spirit, I created my own check list that I was sure would take me deeper into His heart. What I thought would bring me closer only lead to a place of being unrestful, unsatisfied, and frustrated.

We were in a time of worship last Friday as a class, and I was going through an internal battle of not being able to tap into the presence that I knew lived in me. I couldn't focus, my mind was scattered, and my heart began to harden a bit. Towards the end, we all laid on the ground to just soak to the music that was being played. I told the Lord that I gave up trying to get closer to Him. I tried everything. I read the right verses, prayed the right words and yet I didn't seem to be where I wanted to be. That was when He spoke. "My Daughter, stop. Only I can take you to those Heavenly places. You can't. So stop, and let me. I want it even more than you, so let me do the work"

It was then that I realized how I had taken my relationship with the Lord into my own hands. I knew where I stood with Him, I knew where I wanted to go deeper, and I thought I knew the best way to achieve that. The desire to be nearer to Him was real, but in striving, I forgot my first and only identity of being His daughter. As I laid on the classroom floor, He showed me a picture of a wall. Not a flimsy drywall, but a thick rock wall held together by concrete. The moment I stopped doing my own thing was when He was able to break a hole into that wall. As the light shone through that broken rock wall, I felt His peace wash over me.

He has spoken so clearly to me a phrase over and over this weekend "Where you cease, I will begin." Where I cease striving, He begins. Where I cease my own agenda, He begins. Where I cease control, He begins.